The Divide Between Modern Dating and Chivalry
Dating and relationships have changed drastically with the age of modern technology. We went from opening doors for one another and taking things slow to leaving each other on “read” because it’s too soon to text back. Romanticism and chivalry have fallen short to texting and more impersonal ways of communication; relationships are built quickly through screens and surface level conversations leading to fast moving and fast burning connections.
Communicating openly about what you want has also become a faux pas. There is an associated fear surrounding moving too quickly or communicating how one feels and scaring the other person away. Dating is intended to be a lot of fun while getting to know someone while also mixing in a little bit of seriousness. A relationship where communication flows openly and you don’t have to be afraid to tell the other how you feel or what you want.
It’s hard to slow things down in a world that is moving so fast. So, take a beat when it comes to meeting someone, it might be the best thing to do to find the right relationship. But how do you get out of your head, slow down and take the time to actually give a potential relationship a real chance?
Are You on The Same Page?
The first step would be to get yourself out there and go on dates. The first few dates – and yes WE mean DATES, not just texts or phone calls. Dates are a great place for you to sense if there is any compatibility between the two of you.
If you’re interested in pursuing each other – have the conversation about what the other person is looking for in a relationship. At It’s Just Lunch, our clients are ready for a long-term committed relationship – that’s why they are working with us! But it is always important to make sure you have a good idea of what the other is looking for and if you could personally see what they want fitting into your life.
A big step for many is having the “are we exclusive?” talk. When determining if it’s the right time to have this conversation with someone you are interested in being in a relationship with, remember there is no set-in stone date on when it should happen. Go with the flow based on the amount of time you are spending together, how much you are communicating and if you want all of it to increase. Some people move faster and that’s fine – their relationship isn’t yours and you shouldn’t base their progress or lack thereof on what you are ready to do.
Becoming exclusive doesn’t need to be a scary thing – think of it as you have both acknowledged that you like each other and want to keep pursuing and getting to know one another even deeper. Let the connection grow organically and make a decision based off how you feel, not off what is “socially acceptable.” Even if this step isn’t what your partner is ready for – letting them know where your head is at is never a bad idea.
(Matchmaker tip: It’s not always the message, but how you set it up and deliver “the conversation”)
This process should not look hot and heavy – remember passion or lust can be confused with actual progress in a relationship. Therefore, as you grow together make sure that all aspects are comfortable and beneficial for the both of you. This will create a partnership and a relationship built on open communication, understanding, as well as passion.
No one needs to know everything about you in one day or even one week, so let information be shared slowly—that’s half the fun—allowing the two of you to grow with closeness and intensity naturally. This will allow space for a deeper bond, understanding and appreciation of one another. This is often lost within modern dating since communication can be so constant that you talk about anything and everything before you have even had the chance to get to know if the relationship is worth pursuing.
Take a step back.
Slow things down.
Focus on the moments together and communication.
Then ask yourself, is this a relationship that is worth giving more energy?
Jolene Beaton is a nationally renowned matchmaker and dating expert. Her expertise, passion and unique ability to truly understand singles and the complex dating scene have made her a sought after expert in matchmaking, dating and relationships. Over the past 11 years Jolene has established herself as a leading Dating & Relationship Coach with It's Just Lunch and remains focused on one key goal – helping her clients find love.