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You’re Not Interested, What’s Next?



When we start a new relationship, we are always optimistic that this one will be “the one” that sticks. The one where happily ever after is found. Whether you believe that there is only one person for you, or if you are just looking for someone who fits with your life, ending a relationship is never easy. When putting yourself out in the dating world it is normal to find yourself in a position where you’ve had a great couple of dates, but deep down you know it’s with someone you don’t see a future with – or someone they do not want to date long term.


So, what do you do next?


With modern technology comes the new dating vocabulary surrounding dating and relationships, some people have become accustomed to taking “the easy way out.” Ghosting is just one example of this. If you are not familiar with this term, “Ghosting” is when you’re dating someone and the relationship ends abruptly by cutting off all communication, without any explanation.


While ghosting may seem like a new phenomenon, because we see it happen more frequently now, it isn’t new. People have long engaged in disappearing acts. But with the ease of communication through our cell phones we can constantly be in contact, though not only calls, but emailing and texting. The more frequency of contact leads to faster disclosure, faster relationship escalation and in turn… faster relationship de-escalation.


The opposite of love isn’t hate.


It’s indifference.


The question is which hurts worse?


Leaving the relationship and avoiding a conversation (or any communication for that matter) can be destructive for both parties down the line rather than just communicating your feelings. It can poke blame at all your insecurities and leave you guessing what went wrong and maybe even lead to issues in future relationships.


So again, I ask you, what do you do when you’re not interested?


Have a conversation. If the roles were reversed, wouldn’t you want that?

There is an importance in the acknowledgement that you are no longer going to see each other. Having a conversation and having this letting the other person know where you are at will most likely leave both parties feeling better overall about the relationship.





Jolene Beaton is a nationally renowned matchmaker and dating expert. Her expertise, passion and unique ability to truly understand singles and the complex dating scene have made her a sought after expert in matchmaking, dating and relationships. Over the past 12 years Jolene has established herself as a leading Dating & Relationship Coach with It's Just Lunch and remains focused on one key goal – helping her clients find love.

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